I hate teaching this way!  There…I said it!  I know that I am writing this blog to be an encouragement to fellow educators, but I have also told you that I will always be “real” with you.  So, I have to admit, at this point in time, I am not a fan of teaching remotely.

Granted, I have only just finished my first week of “remote learning” due to the COVID-19 virus, so “hate” may be too strong of a word. However, let me tell you the series of events that has prompted this passionate reaction.

 Like most of you, my introduction to remote learning began when my state closed the schools and issued a shelter at home mandate.  Wow! That was a world altering occurrence for most of us!

 It became a scramble to see what we could still do to be productive in our jobs from home.  If you are an educator then you know that most of us were not prepared to fully transition to delivering our educational material online. It has been stressful, to say the least.  While the rest of the world was sending you emails about “Things to do while you are bored during the quarantine”, teachers have been the opposite of bored – we have been overwhelmed!

Most of us had about two weeks to watch way too many mind-numbing tutorial videos on software that we had either slightly or never used and then had to find ways to apply that to our material. In addition to that, there were other pressing issues. Pre-school and Elementary teachers were busy making physical packets for their students that they plan to use along with their video lessons. Middle and High School teachers were looking at methods to shore up gaps in communications to parents (which seems to fall off once students are out of Elementary School) as well as find ways to deliver lectures and tests in an interesting, concise and equitable manner.  It has been, and continues to be, a whirlwind!

So, there was a lot of adrenaline coursing through me as I attempted to rise to this new challenge.  I got my Zoom meetings set up and learned how to use the Whiteboard and screen portions as well as the security measures needed during the meeting times.  I found websites that would deliver supplemental educational material in new and creative ways.  I reached out to students and parents to prepare them for this new type of “classroom” and I received a lot of positive feedback and support.

I was as ready and as eager as I could be to begin this new phase called “remote learning”. 

That’s why I was shocked when I finished my first week. I was unprepared for the emotions that I felt. I reflected on my week and all I could think of was “I hate teaching this way!” I also felt sad. I felt let-down. I felt worn out. And I felt depressed. (This is very out of character for me.  I am truly a lemonade out of lemons type of person!)

I went on a long walk to try to sort things out. Why was I feeling this way? My classes had gone well. Almost all of my students showed up and 90 % of them completed the online assignments on time. On paper, this week had been a huge success!  Why was I so despondent? And then it hit me: all the things I love the most about teaching were missing!

I love physically being with my students! I love being able to walk around the room when they are working on a particularly difficult Chemistry problem.  I love being able to put my hand on a struggling student’s shoulder and saying, “You’ve got this…you can do it!” I love the energy that I draw from my students when they ask questions about the subject material or I can see a look on their face that tells me a lightbulb of understanding has just occurred! But most of all…as a Science teacher…I love labs!  My whole educational philosophy revolves around “hands-on” exercises. I love seeing a room full of goggled and lab-coated teenagers measuring, weighing, dissecting, looking through microscopes, building DNA models and setting things on fire. (All in the name of scientific discovery, of course!)

But then, the more I thought about it, the more the guilt set in. I cannot lose sight of the reason we are in quarantine: people are getting sick and dying from a virus that has gone globally pandemic. I should not be whining.  I should be thankful that I live in a time where remote learning is possible.  I can still virtually see my students. I can send them encouraging texts. I can show them virtual labs. I can still meet most of my educational goals for the year.

But it’s not the same.

Humans need physical interaction and we crave emotional connections. It is difficult to achieve these via a video conference. It is a vital puzzle piece of our educational process that we are missing. Being physically present when a student needs you is the part that is not measured on any standardized test, but it is that part of school that students (and teachers) remember the most. 

I will have you know that I have not stayed in my depressed state. I am cooking up some ways that we may still be able to do some laboratory exercises. I am giving myself pep talks and I am finding that I and my students are getting more comfortable with this new “normal”.  I have had students stay “after class” to talk to me about homework or other struggles.

So, in the end, I suppose I don’t truly hate teaching this way. I am glad that we have the resources to be able to still educate using remote learning. But, I have realized it’s also okay to grieve for what we have lost.  Oh, how I will cherish it afresh and anew when we go back to school again!

Please feel free to write to me and let me know how you are coping with this new type of teaching.  I would love to hear your successes and I am a willing ear to listen to your complaints! Hang in there!