Part 2: The Road from Rules to Relationships

The Road from Rules to Relationships – Part II

When last we spoke, I was telling you the story about my wild class this year.  I had taken measures to get them under control and these actions, for the most part, had worked.  However, when we returned from Christmas Break, it was as if they had never been in my class before.  The behavior was even worse than it was in the beginning of the year. (If you have not read Part I – click here)

It was so bad that the second day we were back from break, a quiet student went to the Guidance Counselor to get her schedule changed to an online version of my class.  How humiliating!  Especially for one who is currently writing a blog about how to manage your classroom! Believe me – the irony is not lost on me!

I could have chosen to NOT share this story with you, but it highlights what I think is wrong with our teaching culture.  We are afraid to share our failures.  This makes us think that everyone else has these stellar, well-behaved classrooms and we are the only ones struggling with behavioral issues.  This is not the case.  We all have moments when things go south.  We are dealing with humans (and teenage ones, no less) which are totally unpredictable. Even when you have guardrails set up, a class can still veer off course.

I was totally beside myself!  I needed a new plan.  As I thought and prayed about it, I decided that I needed to reach out to a few members of my class individually.  I happen to have my first block as my planning period, so I set my plan in motion.  I found out where my trouble-causing culprits were during first block and I pulled each one out of their class, just for a few minutes.  But, oh, did I utilize those few minutes.

I sat down with each one of them, individually, and my conversation followed the same path of reasoning with each one. I informed them that I was not there to lecture or to threaten, but to try to arrive at an understanding.  I needed to reach them on a personal level. First, I asked them why they thought I had called them out of class.  Every single one of them replied it was due to their behavior in my class.

Next, I asked them to list specifically what behaviors they thought I was most concerned about.  Every single one of them discussed the blurting, the put-downs, the goofing off, and the distractions.  Then I asked them why I was concerned about these issues.  Again, every single one of them rattled off that it really all boiled down to being disrespectful to me and the other students in the class.

The next thing I asked them was what they would do if they were the teacher.  I asked them to think about if our roles were reversed.  If they planned lectures, videos, group work and lab activities each day.  If they came to school early to get everything set up so that we would be able to do the maximum amount of experiences in our 90 minutes together. Then, if someone came in and caused all of it to go off track.

There was silence.  They all said that they had not thought of it that way.  Then I took a huge chance; I asked them what they would do to the students who were causing the disturbances. They each thought about it and admitted that they would be angry and frustrated.  A couple of them said they would punch a student who did those things, but I informed them that was not my nature nor was it an option.  Think again.  They all said…no lie…if the student could not get himself together, they should be tossed out of the class.  I then asked that if the students were “repeat offenders”, how many chances they should get per class.  We agreed on “two” strikes.

Can you believe it?  I barely talked.  The students did all of the talking.  There were some moments of uncomfortable silence, but I avoided the temptation to fill the void with my agenda.  I really wanted to hear what they said. I also am a firm believer in taking responsibility for your actions and learning that actions have consequences.  I wanted them to see that they were making a choice to misbehave in my class and that they could choose differently.

I asked them the reason behind their actions in my class when it was obvious from our conversation that they “knew better”.  There were a variety of answers.  A couple of them admitted to eating a lot of sugar at lunch and when they came to my class directly after lunch, they were wired. We discussed making some changes to lunch choices.  A couple of them talked about just having issues in general with sitting still.  I let them know that I wanted them to succeed in my class and that I would try to give them opportunities to move around a bit more often. (For example, handing back papers, getting some lab materials out of cabinets, etc.)  I then asked them if there was anything that I could do to help them succeed and not get in trouble so often in my class.  One of them informed me that he could not see the board.  I moved him to the front and sent an email home to the parents. Another one asked to be moved to the back of the room, away from everyone else.

I ended with letting them know that I actually enjoyed our talk and getting to know them better.  I asked if maybe every other week, they could come and eat lunch with me and help me set up the lab activities for the day.  Most of them agreed to this. 

This was a turning point in my year!  From that moment on we had an understanding.  They knew I wanted them to succeed but I wanted all the other students in my class to succeed, too.  They realized that if they began to get in the way of another student being able to learn, they would not be allowed to stay in class.

I would be lying if I said that they became the exemplary students who never broke a rule, but…and it’s a big but…a relationship had been forged. I could now cast a glance or mouth the words “be careful” and they knew I was warning them for their own good.  I was on their side. It was no longer “me against them”, it was “us”.  We were in the class together and we both wanted the same thing: to succeed.

When their behavior was good, I would make an effort to come up to them during quiet work time or lab time and put a hand on their shoulder and tell them how proud I was of their choices that day. 

Oh, I should mention, I also called the quiet student out of class to talk to her about staying in my class.  She voiced her concerns about the behavior of some of the students in the class, but in the end, she reluctantly agreed to stay and give it another chance.  About a month later, I talked to her again.  She stated that things were so much better that she had forgotten about even asking for the transfer. Whew!

The reason I have my rules in place is so that I can provide a safe learning environment for every student. Once things are running smoothly, I have time during group work or lab activities to walk around and get to know my students. This class did not afford me that opportunity in the beginning.  However, once I got the few under control, I could get to know the rest of the students. 

As I stated in Part One, I was truly sad when I had the last class with this group of students. 

I would love to hear your story.  Have you had a particularly rough year?  How did it end?  What will you do differently next year?  Leave your comments below!